I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
