you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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