He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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