Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
