my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
