haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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