I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
