Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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