either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
