I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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