Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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