Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
