I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
