I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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