literally had 100 drinks last night.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
