just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
