Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
