just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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