Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
