yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
