Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
