There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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