my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize