he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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