Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
