The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize