PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
