If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
