Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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