My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
