Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
