Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
