Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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