His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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