god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
