Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
