We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
