Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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