never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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