Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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