My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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