More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
