Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.