I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.