I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.