so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
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Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??