oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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