I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina