North Korea, Best Korea!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.