just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.