I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We had to coat check the pizza.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
