He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
