Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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