Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
