time to smoke my breakfast
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
