apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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