just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
