he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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