i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
