Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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