i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
