and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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