So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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