I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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