Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just pee around me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
