We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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