holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
