booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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