My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
