Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
